Pride held me high
though
rendered me helpless
“How about 10 minutes?”
“200 breaths? Are you crazy? Don’t you know the new Respiratory Guidelines? No more than 50 breaths for a non-family member let alone an acquaintance.”
“But I thought you’d make an exception for me.”
“See, they are on constant vigil. It’s preposterous to challenge their audit.”
“Perhaps, this should come to light. What kind of law it is to calculate & limit the breaths/time for each relation. Doesn’t make any sense in 30th century. We aren’t in the same old world anymore”
“Exactly, buddy. Time is precious.”
Once upon a time there was an ugly, unwanted girl. She always thought she deserves the worst. She wasn’t calculative but she could thoroughly calculate the weight of dreams were too heavy on her real self. That those wild imaginations never matched up to her realities. Looking at world she presumed herself to be far above them intellectually, while connecting to them made her feel so obtuse. Where was the real struggle? Inside or outside? Why did she have to have such negative notion about herself? Negative – – why this word never felt so wrong? Why this felt like it’s someone who’s close to her and stayed unlike others? May be because she was dark. She embraced emotions people vary to touch. Because sometimes it did bring some solace. But then was it the right thing to do? Prepare a standard chart to compare both worlds. Her’s and outside’s. It was clear outside world is just a plain stage with run-of-the-mill performance actors. And what she was, was not negative or antagonistic. She only recognized herself on a different level. Neither negative nor positive, it was her. Something to ponder upon. That she could start over and change how she thought of herself and not like the initial lines of this passage…
The only time he didn’t cringe on being called names was when her voice whispered,
“You’re my devil.”
A person who’s definition is quite different than that in a dictionary. Someone who is close to you while being far away. Who looks at you and be a reason for your smile, harboring the purest feelings for you. Someone who doesn’t announce the affection to the world but only to you, makes you feel special in their own way when you’re rejected by the world, who is aware of your little needs and even the reasons of your annoyance, who notices the teeniest change in your tone and go crazy until you be back to normal, who’s priority list never gets amended because of you, who sits and willingly listen to your day’s crap & voluntarily share their energies to cure your grouchiness, who’s care you witness through actions and not just words. That person is a keeper. Keep them close no matter what. Don’t let go of that hand. A keeper can be found in your family, or friend or a partner. Keep those close to your hearts. Give them their due credit. They are irreplaceable.
How much ever I wanted to control you, you slipped right through my fingers feeling everything as a confounded lie. Why didn’t you tell me before you weren’t supposed to be controlled rather supposed to be accepted & lived. Turn around time if you can. I want to do good to some people again.
Trail of thoughts
Stillness of quiet
Overdue reforms
High-pitched screams
With a muted voice
Here’s #midnight
For you
The more time I’m spending on blog, the more I feel like sharing little things with my blogger family.
So for today, Commandments from Senior authorities came to clear up space because apparently my these little babies taking too much of it. (really?).
So this was just one corner, have 3 more like these + 1k books in my computer as e-books categorized as per Author’s name which further has been sorted alphabetically + 300 books on my Kindle currently and yet I’m greedy for more.
Like any other avid reader I wish to have my own library so that my all hard bounds are at one place, smiling gaily at me. ? But then there are some orders from your Mother which you just can’t defy. Well, according to her I have to give up some of these because I keep on adding more and more to my hungry shelves ? She perfectly understands my fetish for my casebound friends, so she knows its never going to happen and soon she will be helpless in front of my insatiable appetite.
This is a tradition which is being followed every year. I’m asked rather demanded to clean up all the shelves and with that she means -if you have read the book don’t keep it with you anymore. With that setup in my mind I start my Sunday morning checking each and every book that I have read thinking that this time I will surely take out few so that I can add more to my collection.
The moment my hand touches the first book I reminisce about the time I touched that book for the first time. And It was ‘Pride and Prejudice’ by ‘Jane Austen’. I mean I ask all of you -How on Earth can someone ever get rid of this book?? How?? I mean this was my life’s first romantic novel. Before that I used to read all the thriller and horror stuff & used to think I’ll never get accustomed to romantics. Unlike that notion this novel appeared in front of me and then stayed forever.
I hugged that book so hard and placed on the shelf as it was before. No, I can’t give up this one. Then comes the next, taking it in my hands reminds me of the hilarious events in the book. No not this either. With that, it starts ?
Okay! Next! “Ohh this was a gift. Gifts are not meant to be thrown away.”. Next – ” oh god! it had such great storyline, I might read it again”. Next- “This was the time when I deliberately cancelled on my friends to read it, hahaha lovely memory of this book, can’t give it away”. Next one “I havent read it. It was awarded as a prize to my brother with success motivation stories which of course he didn’t read & eventually landed on my lap. No ungrateful soul can throw away un-read books, can they?”
So, in the end I couldn’t find a single one to give away. Though it’s right to lend books to someone who enjoys reading too so that they would be in safe deserving hands. Seems like I become too selfish when it comes to books but this time I would really try to overcome that fear ?
If any one of you ever experienced the same thing, do share!
P.S. The light appearing at the rear is exactly what books give us- The Wisdom Aura ?
I was in fear…
Always feared change.
Until I became someone I was meant to be.