You tiptoed over my
shattered heart
complaining about
getting bruised,
where I should have
cut you deeper
with my broken pieces.
Poetry
I feel I’m stuck in memories of ours
I hold onto to our memories
like an infant grabbing a piece
of clothing,wrapping it in his
tiny fingers,naively managing a little more
attention towards himself
and in an unvoiced gesture of
do not leave me alone,yet!
I walk down those streets
with my right-hand empty
still dangling, still thirsty for your touch.
That in sometime soon,
those fingertips will feel the heat
of your hands brushing against mine.
That in any given moment
I’d see you standing alongside me
while I stop by our favorite ice-cream parlor.
And I would be suppressing the
sparks of surprise and laughter
and declare through my eyes confidently
the words I had practiced long enough
“I knew you’d come back”
precariously hiding the fright
of ‘what if’ you hadn’t.
I look at our old pictures
like they would suck me
in and allow me the pleasure
of reliving the moments
again and not once complaint or feel shy
like living beings say
‘for how long you’d keep looking at me?’
I feel I am stuck in memories of ours
There is no past or the future
but a series of moments halted
And time has stopped making sense.
I feel those moments burning alive
right in my chest
as if it’s happening right now.
I’m afraid of moving on
because those would try to give me
the wisdom of why letting of the
past is important.
I’m in no search of that wisdom,
that I want to stay stagnant
for some time.
Like water that doesn’t move.
getting stale and foul
from standing too long
And it doesn’t, on its own.
Lacking the development
or the essential minerals.
I, too, am adamant to move
as of now
doesn’t matter how much it is
corroding my brain.
I want to stay trapped
So I can face my bold decision
relentless times,
of choosing you over the world.
I want to stay there long enough
So that when I step out of it
I no longer awash with those memories
that made me fall for you.
So when I step out of it
there is no ‘You’ in me anymore,
And when I walk onto those streets again
I don’t imagine how would it feel
to be walking alongside you.
That I will make sure the
person I am talking to
is I, myself
& not you anymore.
Whenever I am absorbed
in love, in joy, in pain, in misery
I have been the one to
measure the abyss of each emotion.
That those depths
had always appreciated me
for accepting them throughout the end.
A dream!!
I dreamt of a father
dining with his daughter.
A naval officer,
stealing spoonful moments
for ‘his’ someone special.
The feeling, the aura
was inexplicable.
The laughter, the fight over
the last piece of pie
was unfathomable.
The pleasure I was granted
to feel once in a lifetime
a presence of a father
without having one.
That’s how my dream
truly came true.
- Poetry
- ...
He calls me ugly!!
We are friends, we hang out.
Sometimes sit over the walls
of an abandoned yard
legs flailing like Humpty Dumpty,
looking, judging, giggling
over each passer-by.
I think I like him
but he calls me ugly.
He smiles adorably at me
when I get excited over the mangoes
that fall from a nearby tree.
He keeps all the stationery items
ready before our exam
since he’s aware I tend to forget
everything because of my all sorts of
jittery feelings during assessments.
He calls me stupid
because I watch the herd
of cows with their backs
swelling in and out like a wave
while crossing the road
as some kind of free entertainment.
I wear spectacles less often now.
I think my eyes are beautiful
and I want to show him
the only good-looking aspect I have
over my average body
and infant-like tiny crooked teeth.
He rummages through my
books and candies-loaded bag
and manages to find my fat spectacles somehow.
Every time!
And then calls me ugly
while placing it on my nose.
He sometimes misses his cricket practice
because I have frequent tiffs with my parents
for letting me choose the
career I feel I can be best at.
He says he will come
and talk to my parents.
So they let me do whatever
I want to do in life.
I laugh at his audacity.
At times, I do steal instances
to avenge him.
I call him stupid and ugly
and can’t stop laughing.
His childlike pout makes
my heart flutter again.
Why does he bear with me so much?
He again calls me ugly.
Why do I feel pretty when he calls me that?
When did this ‘ugly’ word
become so personal to me?
If ever, each relationship gets
as ugly as this one is
I’ll never look for
any beauty in this world.
To Find self!!
If ever I get lost
don’t take me down that road,
instead
show me the way to my home.
I can’t afford to escape
what I’m designed to learn.
Memories…
Waiting for you.
at 2 in the morning,
I enter a narrow tunnel
of a lapsed timeline.
Few daggers in the back
still hurts.
Hollow words
laced with promises
mutilated those memories.
Memories; I thought
were the blankets
providing warmth
like a wildfire
on cold nights.
The timeless laughter
that hold our hands
in tough times.
But memories became
a slow poison
eroding my bones,
drying up my blood.
And this flesh crawls
in and out
of the cocoon every day,
counting the
breaths down.
Too close
Stepping over my gut
I came too close to you.
It broke me to see
too many flaws in you.
Picking myself up
a disturbing mirror image appeared.
The one in the hindsight
had always been aware.
The foe I despised
comes to the rescue.
Getting too close.
Getting too dangerous.
It magnified him
as the most chivalrous.
A letter to the one I fell in Love with….
I am not sure how to pen this down because I can go on and on without taking a break.
The feeling of being around the same person round the clock and not get sick of it, I’d define this as Love in my language.
There was no love at first sight with you, no violins in the background, no flowers blooming around but something just came over me and I realized how happy I was. My life changed drastically after you entered into my personal space. Though the best parts of my life remained the same but the worse ones didn’t seem that bad after all.
Years had passed and I never developed a habit of leaning on people but you made me realize depending on the right person never disappoints you.
I never felt as free as I did around you. Like I always had wings, always wished to fly but never really bothered. I had forever been a free-spirited person but your little nudge made me soar high with more confidence. You, so flawlessly untapped the talents out of me.
Being with an over-thinker takes a toll on self but I never saw you cringe at it. You listened patiently, tried to understand, and always knew if the words of encouragement are required or the space to clear my mind. You always understood my moods better & knew exactly what I wanted to eat to cure my swings.
I knew it when we had special brunches instead of date nights. I knew it when a non-dancer slow danced with me on a playlist of my favorite songs to make our moments special.
The smile or the grin you adorned while I walked towards you, made me sure those eyes always looked for me. I liked traveling around but with you walking a few steps till the tea shop made me ecstatic.
I saw the excitement in your eyes for the things that mattered to me. There were no gray areas or mixed signals to confuse me. You stamped the existence of old-fashioned love hard enough for me to realize that I wasn’t wrong in demanding sincerity or loyalty from the one you love.
I liked the idea of you being interesting only with me. This automatically pushed people away marking my position stronger than anyone.
People usually drift apart after a fight but I fell for you more at that time because of the way you put across your opinions by not disrespecting the other person. The way you stood up for yourself but never wounded my self-worth, surely earned my respect for you. It was proven arguing never means insulting the other person. You can disagree without stripping off your partner using ruthless words.
You held your beliefs so strongly yet were the simplest and down-to-earth person who spoke his mind without being rude. The gentleness in your voice wasn’t just for me but for everyone.
Whenever I asked for any opinion you gave me an unbiased view yet pushed me to have more confidence in my own judgment. With you, even the lowest days became an adventure. And it became so evident why it never worked out with anyone before. I was never in doubt. Your eyes spoke volumes of your surety.
My myriad mind runs everywhere but it’s then when I realized, is only fixated on you. It was so real, so right. There was no rush, no drooling over but oh, so much peace.
Your warmth, your sense of security considering me as your responsibility being fully aware I could take care of myself made me resolute about the kind of people I deserve around myself.
Though I had found myself before I met you but it wasn’t any lesser fact that I never lost myself after meeting you. You made me make peace with my worst nightmares. You changed me in a way that I fell for myself each day, bettering myself, improving myself. I became kinder, more generous, confident, and ambitious to prove myself more to you. You know you are with ‘the one’ when you start loving yourself more.
Even in your own flaws, you were so perfect to me that I would never want to change anything in you. I felt like my search had ended after I met you. I’ve reached a destination never knowing of the journey.
There were no pleasing breeze, slow motions, or background songs yet every freaking thing was felt.
Like they say “Insan ke sath pyar karo to sab hota hai’.