The realisation, when it hits you that you don’t really like someone when you thought you sincerely liked someone. It was just because you were either bored or filling in some time you made by not following your passion. All because you have nothing grand to obsess over at the moment. It’s unacceptable to you. Unless something consumes you in entirety. Because everything is supposed to be grand for you. Love, sunsets, golgappe, train journeys, friends trip, local festivities or movies. You never learned how to survive on minimal/mediocre love. Coz if you learned that you’d lose that grand part of you that defines you. So, you start spiralling, delusions after delusions, madness after madness, tea after tea, beer after beer, October after October until you hit, not a rock bottom but a side button that sings an alarm of your desires in your brain without permission and makes you face how much ‘intensity of substance’ is there in you. Of everything. That’s why you put your heart into anything you do coz you don’t know the other way round. Never learned. Never wanna learn. And you live with that realisation coz you can’t do anything else. World cancels extremities but accepts the mediocre/manipulators yet you rebel to be the one extreme in carrying love.
©️kanikachugh