P.C : Pinterest (to the rightful owner)
I am intrigued by these preaching day in and day out (I have a feeling so would other people) so I dug a little bit deeper about self-love.
Does anyone realize it’s a real struggle for people with insecurities, inhibitions, prolonged fears or abandonment issues? Their sinful habit of over-thinking the scenarios, reliving the embarrassing moments, being the cause of a mishap, unconsciously putting themselves under the victim’s light makes it impossible to reach the road of well-being.
It’s a hard-nut for people who have hit rock bottom or going through a worse heartbreak or have been deceived by their close ones. They don’t punish others. They punish themselves. They forget how it feels to love oneself.
This leads me to the other parameter which is needed to be considered before you set yourself on a journey of self-love.
‘Journey!’ I said journey because I realized this is an ongoing process and not a single destination that you reach once and it’s over. You got to find yourself again and again whenever you are caught amidst the desert of sorrows, dejections or miseries.
Every time life throws a mishap, a tragedy or a disaster we forget to put ourselves first and reach the bottomless bottoms where we keep on drowning without seeing any ray of hope.
This leads me to the other parameter which is needed to be considered before you set yourself on a journey of self-love.
‘Journey!’ I said journey because I realized this is an ongoing process and not a single destination that you reach once and it’s over. You got to find yourself again and again whenever you are caught amidst the desert of sorrows, dejections or miseries.
Every time life throws a mishap, a tragedy or a disaster we forget to put ourselves first and reach the bottomless bottoms where we keep on drowning without seeing any ray of hope.
The other and the most important pointer for me is when people say ‘Accept me the way I am’. I find this as a half-truth.
To love yourself you have to truly accept yourself. Accepting yourself comes with a dare of improving and working on the toxic straits you bear.
Ever happened to you that you met someone and disliked them instantly? Not because they did something wrong to you, nor they carried any ill vibes towards you. But you just disliked them for no apparent reason.
Well, it happened to me. I kept on thinking, kept on introspecting why am I bearing a sudden disgust towards that person? Then I got an answer. I saw all those habits, patterns, traits that I never liked in myself. I didn’t like the mirror I was made to see. Things I should have changed or work upon but instead ignored and glorified it saying ‘This is the way I am, can’t help it.’ Deep down I knew it but never acknowledged it until I worked upon it.
When you face yourself you clearly see those toxic traits. Turn of events; this is where you don’t hate yourself, or run away from or ignore them. The only way to get rid of the self-loathing episodes is to face it and fight it.
Its very easy to accept the best parts of yours but it takes enormous guts to accept those ugliest ones and an undaunted belief that you can work upon those to improve yourself.
Your behavior, mannerisms, clean habits, healthy boundaries, conduct towards yourself and others; all these are in your control.
And anything else that apart from these like the appearances, statures, anything which isn’t in your control that must be truly accepted, respected by you and cherished by the people around. And I have seen that happens automatically when you fill your brain with knowledge, wisdom, and intellect and that your positivity is pouring out of you and people do love company, feel comfortable in your aura no matter how you look.
This brings me to my next theme.
Narcissism v/s Self-love
The thin line difference between being consumed by one’s appearance, qualities, vanity V/S a state of appreciating oneself that helps your physical, psychological and spiritual growth.
Narcissism or self-absorption, according to me is an egotistical state where one deems oneself as superior and discard even the constructive criticism which, for certain, helps become a better person. The ‘Room for improvement’, kind of, doesn’t exist there and the lack of path of acceptance where one thinks so highly of oneself that they don’t realize that they are making other people feel inferior. Showing off strength to intimidate them and not to motivate them
– To be a part of yourself, you have to get rid of your own toxicity.
This post isn’t any guideline on how to love oneself. That you’re going to figure it out yourself. Because each one has their different version of taking care of their physical & mental health. This is the interlude of experiences I had, observed, inferred and so felt, must be shared.
I had once reached the highest peak where I loved, cherished, and respected myself so much that some hurdles literally felt like tiny bumps in the road I could easily cross through my gained confidence. Then came the dark times where I hated myself, cringed for being so emotional and wanted the pain to end because I felt I am too weak to handle it.
Then an inner voice jolted me. “You did it before, you can do it again.” It dawned upon me then that those tiny, daily practices of self-love will be required as long as we breathe. And we must because taking care of ourselves is solely our responsibility.
Why? Like nobody else can eat on our behalf, nor can they breathe, or pray, or exercise; no one can exercise the mind on our behalf. It’s our work to get rid of our own toxicity or the toxic people around us.
Stop defending the abuser thinking it was your fault that you expected, that you overreacted. Or you were too sensitive. Let toxic people go and if not that, you walk out on them. They aren’t good for your mental peace. And those who truly love you they would want you to choose yourself first.
You are responsible to mend your heart. And once you start that journey, people around will understand.
They will support your dreams, your passion and most importantly your mental health. They would not want you to drown in the sheets of depression.
And if you don’t have anyone right now, at least you have yourself.
I am encapsulating lots of positive energy in this write-up. So derive from it as much as you want, read it again & again if it comforts you. Reach the level of self-love, feel the amazing power when you improves yourself. It’s intoxicating but in a positive way.
It’s okay to feel sad, angry, anxious, panicky and allowing yourself to feel all this is another form of self-healing. It’s okay to have a negative or a dark side. Accept those. Just don’t feed them too much, don’t let that harm you.
There is nothing truer than this, you can’t keep people around happy unless you keep yourself happy and fulfilled.
I know now, Self-love is a continual journey that doesn’t halt. But once you get a taste of it you would never want to stop. There would be heartaches at every turn of life and its going to hurt like the first time but believe me, you would be able to pick yourself a little quicker than before because of the confidence you gained in yourself through tremendous meditations of loving yourself.