Where are you??

“I have got a new idea. Want to hear about it?” Those bright eyes insisted. My weirdest, eccentric but the cutest friend who always came up with the bizarre games. My parents usually worked in longer shifts and weren’t home till late night and I, being a teenager at that time, told them I could take pretty much care of myself so we’d have the whole house to ourselves.
That day, as usual, we met at my place after school and she entered all giggling with some old rusty board. Before I could ask she started on her own. Being the blabber she was, I let her.

“Okay! This is an Ouija board. And I have got this voodoo doll with me and we will summon ghosts today”, in her super excited voice she expected a great reaction but none came.
Seeing my impassive face she continued “Oh C’mon, It’s been 3 years I am trying to convince you and you always say NO!”

“Exactly! And you still want to pursue it” I questioned.



In my defense, it was very hard to turn down an endearing person like her, that too when she looked at me with those puppy eyes. Hence, we started. We had one storage room that no one was using and we established our business there. I knew nothing of how this thing works but looking at her I felt she was a pro. Lighting candles, mumbling something, eyeing around the room. Honestly, I kept rolling my eyes at her.

We were holding hands, with eyes closed and she was chanting something from the book which she said got free with this stuff and suddenly there was a loud thud at the window. I freed my hands in panic. I opened my eyes and caught her laughing hard.

“It was the neighbor’s kid. You know how he keeps throwing something or the other. OMG! Look at your face,” she snorted.
“Shut up, Stupid! I don’t want to play this game anymore. I don’t like it.” Frightened as I was, I asked her to go back home that day. Convincing me it’s all fine, she left.

I couldn’t sleep that night. Some uneasy feeling kept crawling up in my veins which I couldn’t figure out. Finally, after trying multiple distractions I fell asleep.  
The next day after school, I tried contacting her, went to the park we used to meet but she was nowhere. This happened consecutively for the next 3 days.

She was nowhere to be found. She always said she lived across the street but we always met at the same place so I never bothered asking her postal address. I started feeling jittery.
Panic-stricken, I decided to visit her neighborhood. I tried talking to people, told her name, and explained her features if they have seen her but all in vain.  I walked some more steps and fortunately, was able to find the house as she had described once and swiftly ran towards to ring the doorbell. A pretty lady opened it for me and I asked for her.

“Is Karen home? She didn’t meet me for the last 3 days. I am her friend, Venka. “ Perplexed, she answered “No, I am afraid she is not. Who are you looking for?”
I again explained to the lady how did Karen look. She was taken aback for a moment. I am sure I read something on her face.
She dismissed me without saying a word. She was about to close the door when I insisted.
“You know something, don’t you? What happened to her? Please tell me.”

With a heavy sigh, the lady tried forming the words “She met with an accident”.
I couldn’t believe her words. The surroundings went numb. I could hear nothing, at all!
I was too shocked to cry and upon finding my voice I asked, “When?”

“20 years ago.”

“This is some kind of a dream. This is a dream” I kept mumbling.
“This is true, My dear. I am, well I was, her younger sister. My mother lives in the backyard and still awaits her. Many people around claimed that they spotted her in a school uniform at times but even that was a long time ago.”

She was always in school uniform. I never knew which school she went to. For 3 years I never knew anything except her name. She was so playful, so bubbly, always mischievous with giddy excitement in her that the only thing we talked about was of my problems.
I felt a part of me got ripped apart and ejected out of my body from this confounded revelation whereas my heart plummeted down to the ground. My body paralyzed.

“Are you okay, dear?” She asked. 
“I suggest you should go home and rest”. The words didn’t enter my ears but I started marching back with baby steps, still absorbing the shock.
I had walked a few steps when I see her, in her freaking school uniform; waving gleefully at me. I stopped. She came running towards me. Gasping for air she asked,
“How come you’re here? How did you find me? Never mind, I am glad you did. ”

“Why do you always wear a school uniform? Why don’t I know anything about you except your name?” Words were out before I realized. “Are you the same girl who died 20 years ago by a car accident?”

She froze. Her eyes widened as if I caught her red-handed. “Answer me!”
To my utter shock, I found her laughing hard. Again! “I hate her when she does it”, I thought.

“Would you stop laughing while I am asking you something” She being herself ignored what I said and that day I witnessed the literal display of ROFL. This made me livid.
Gauging my reaction she controlled herself and continued, “No, No I am not her. Yes, the girl died many years ago but that wasn’t me. Moreover, you know nothing about me because you, stupid fellow never ask me anything. You are always wallowing in your own problems and every time we meet I try to keep you happy.”

“Then where were you these days? Especially after our Ouija board encounter. Do you know how shaken I was after your disappearance?”

She apologized and said her parents had been thinking of getting a divorce, there had been regular fights & that she was quite worried and didn’t even go to school.  I realized how less I had heard from her, about her issues. But I was so relieved to see her doing fine, though going through a rough time but at least she isn’t dead or had been dead for years.

Out of the blue, I heard someone screaming from behind. I looked at her. She was so calm.
“That happens here. It’s normal. There’s an old lady. She has frequent seizures. Do you want an ice-cream? Don’t worry, I will get you one. Wait here!”
My words were almost out that how could she change the subject so easily, that how could she leave me here all alone but she was already gone.

The high-pitched voice became clearer as if approaching me. I turned around and saw a lady with unruly hair and almost as old as my grandma running frantically towards me. She grabbed my arm and started asking “Where is she? Where is my daughter?.”

I could see she was howling in pain. She had a foul smell and the darkest eye baggage I had ever seen. Someone who hasn’t slept for years or taken a bath either.
Crying she asked again.

I was petrified.
“I don’t know, I don’t know who you are talking ab….” My eyes fell to the picture frame she was holding in her other hand. It was her. It was Karen. Is she really dead? What game is she playing with me? The quota of swallowing the number of shocks on that day reached its limit. I was flabbergasted. Judging from my reaction she continued weeping and confessed,
“It was my fault. She was a wonderful & playful child. I should never have thought of getting a divorce. Hearing this news she ran away from my arms and bolted out of the door to the main road. She met with an accident here, where you are standing right now. “
OKAY! This has to stop. Somebody, please wake me up!!


Unfortunately, it was all true.

The Old lady begged, “If you ever see her again please, please tell her to meet Mama. She appears in front of so many people but never before me. She is still angry with me. Tell her, her Mama is still waiting. She will wait for 20 more years. Tell her, to come to Mama. Tell her, to meet me one time. Tell her to come to me” saying she collapsed.
The pretty lady, allegedly Karen’s sister finally found her mother and helped her get up. I watched everything as if it was airing on Television. I collected myself somehow and walked back home.
I never heard from Karen again!

He calls me ugly!!

We are friends, we hang out.
Sometimes sit over the walls
of an abandoned yard
legs flailing like Humpty Dumpty,
looking, judging, giggling
over each passer-by.
I think I like him
but he calls me ugly.

He smiles adorably at me
when I get excited over the mangoes
that fall from a nearby tree.

He keeps all the stationery items
ready before our exam
since he’s aware I tend to forget
everything because of my all sorts of
jittery feelings during assessments.

He calls me stupid
because I watch the herd
of cows with their backs
swelling in and out like a wave
while crossing the road
as some kind of free entertainment.

I wear spectacles less often now.
I think my eyes are beautiful
and I want to show him
the only good-looking aspect I have
over my average body
and infant-like tiny crooked teeth.

He rummages through my
books and candies-loaded bag
and manages to find my fat spectacles somehow.
Every time!
And then calls me ugly
while placing it on my nose.

He sometimes misses his cricket practice
because I have frequent tiffs with my parents
for letting me choose the
career I feel I can be best at.

He says he will come
and talk to my parents.
So they let me do whatever
I want to do in life.
I laugh at his audacity.

At times, I do steal instances
to avenge him.
I call him stupid and ugly
and can’t stop laughing.

His childlike pout makes
my heart flutter again.
Why does he bear with me so much?
He again calls me ugly.
Why do I feel pretty when he calls me that?
When did this ‘ugly’ word
become so personal to me?

If ever, each relationship gets
as ugly as this one is
I’ll never look for
any beauty in this world.

An open letter to Monday

Dear Monday,

What should I call you? Someone who has made people’s life a living hell, the meanest day in the entire history of a week, whose existence is nothing but a source of depression, anxiety, and unproductiveness. People feel better after cursing you because you totally lack sensitivity towards them.
Everyone cringe at the idea of your arrival before you are there. Why have you made people shiver in fear or feeling jittery with a mere mention of your name that they regret the day you meet them and they want to punch you right between the eyes. Or maybe someone actually did and that’s how the metaphor emerged as ‘Monday blues’. The eccentric, evil day stealing or sucking fleeting happiness out of people.
What have you done?

Now that I think of it, do people blame you for a justified reason? Or they are stuck badly in their clock based timelines and mind-numbing dreary work that they need a reason to put this up on someone else? Their life is so constricted behind the desks, caged in spectacles, locked up inside infinite boring numbers that the forgot the very essence of life and consider only 2 days they are allowed to live life to the fullest. I had witnessed weekends carrying too much of a burden on them to fulfill their master’s request, of entertaining them and to exist with longer hours than defined.

I know, I know in your defense you did state it’s because that either humans are not doing what they love or are not loving what they are doing. Less energy, low enthusiasm on Monday make them realize the path they opted for in their life and are in a constant tussle with their inner creative personality.
But what possible reasons could be for not chasing their dream job. Yes, few are too scared to take risks. Even if they are totally disengaged from their job they still trudge through their tedious career. Some don’t have enough money to pay off their bills or the productive time that is needed to invest it.
There are who love procrastinating why because it’s too much of a task either physically or mentally. It requires thinking over it, spending time and effort on it but why when they can relax and do nothing.
Lastly, comes those who do not know what their passion is? The self-doubt, the emotional blockage entwined with their creativity, inherently becomes the longest journey to find it let alone working on it.

I am sure these rationalizations must have been conquered by some groups because whoever loves their work would never curse at you. On top of it, they might be even excited to have you back after they had sufficient relaxing time with self and family.

I believe in a parallel universe where you’re as brightly celebrated as any other weekend and everyone works, talks, breathes what they love.

Yours,
Someone who’s trying to mold even ‘Monday’ as ‘Fun Day’.

Memories…

Waiting for you.
at 2 in the morning,
I enter a narrow tunnel
of a lapsed timeline.

Few daggers in the back
still hurts.
Hollow words
laced with promises
mutilated those memories.

Memories; I thought

were the blankets
providing warmth
like a wildfire
on cold nights.

The timeless laughter
that hold our hands
in tough times.

But memories became
a slow poison
eroding my bones,
drying up my blood.
And this flesh crawls
in and out
of the cocoon every day,
counting the
breaths down.

Too close

Stepping over my gut
I came too close to you.
It broke me to see
too many flaws in you.

Picking myself up
a disturbing mirror image appeared.
The one in the hindsight
had always been aware.

The foe I despised
comes to the rescue.
Getting too close.
Getting too dangerous.
It magnified him
as the most chivalrous.

A letter to the one I fell in Love with….

I am not sure how to pen this down because I can go on and on without taking a break.
The feeling of being around the same person round the clock and not get sick of it, I’d define this as Love in my language.

There was no love at first sight with you, no violins in the background, no flowers blooming around but something just came over me and I realized how happy I was. My life changed drastically after you entered into my personal space. Though the best parts of my life remained the same but the worse ones didn’t seem that bad after all.
Years had passed and I never developed a habit of leaning on people but you made me realize depending on the right person never disappoints you.

I never felt as free as I did around you. Like I always had wings, always wished to fly but never really bothered. I had forever been a free-spirited person but your little nudge made me soar high with more confidence. You, so flawlessly untapped the talents out of me.

Being with an over-thinker takes a toll on self but I never saw you cringe at it. You listened patiently, tried to understand, and always knew if the words of encouragement are required or the space to clear my mind. You always understood my moods better & knew exactly what I wanted to eat to cure my swings.

I knew it when we had special brunches instead of date nights. I knew it when a non-dancer slow danced with me on a playlist of my favorite songs to make our moments special.

The smile or the grin you adorned while I walked towards you, made me sure those eyes always looked for me. I liked traveling around but with you walking a few steps till the tea shop made me ecstatic.

I saw the excitement in your eyes for the things that mattered to me. There were no gray areas or mixed signals to confuse me. You stamped the existence of old-fashioned love hard enough for me to realize that I wasn’t wrong in demanding sincerity or loyalty from the one you love.

I liked the idea of you being interesting only with me. This automatically pushed people away marking my position stronger than anyone.

People usually drift apart after a fight but I fell for you more at that time because of the way you put across your opinions by not disrespecting the other person. The way you stood up for yourself but never wounded my self-worth, surely earned my respect for you. It was proven arguing never means insulting the other person. You can disagree without stripping off your partner using ruthless words.

You held your beliefs so strongly yet were the simplest and down-to-earth person who spoke his mind without being rude. The gentleness in your voice wasn’t just for me but for everyone.

Whenever I asked for any opinion you gave me an unbiased view yet pushed me to have more confidence in my own judgment. With you, even the lowest days became an adventure. And it became so evident why it never worked out with anyone before. I was never in doubt. Your eyes spoke volumes of your surety.

My myriad mind runs everywhere but it’s then when I realized, is only fixated on you. It was so real, so right. There was no rush, no drooling over but oh, so much peace.
Your warmth, your sense of security considering me as your responsibility being fully aware I could take care of myself made me resolute about the kind of people I deserve around myself.

Though I had found myself before I met you but it wasn’t any lesser fact that I never lost myself after meeting you. You made me make peace with my worst nightmares. You changed me in a way that I fell for myself each day, bettering myself, improving myself. I became kinder, more generous, confident, and ambitious to prove myself more to you. You know you are with ‘the one’ when you start loving yourself more.
Even in your own flaws, you were so perfect to me that I would never want to change anything in you. I felt like my search had ended after I met you. I’ve reached a destination never knowing of the journey.
There were no pleasing breeze, slow motions, or background songs yet every freaking thing was felt.

Like they say “Insan ke sath pyar karo to sab hota hai’.