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\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n

I never expected to have grays at thirty-four,
some answers though.
Never expected the flush of emotions towering after I hit thirty
a bit of fire to die out though.
I wonder which ancestry had been
so violent in wants
that I inherited their fire without
properly knowing their soul, their childhood.
A brute force
some forces that I don\u2019t wish to pursue.
It doesn\u2019t let you sleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The past year had been
about crushing and cushioning
about scattering the pieces of mine away
and then finding a new brand of glue
about fighting off depression again
and dancing on dull hours of chores.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have rested
a lot
I have pushed myself through
a lot
Tried to numb my brain
but paced my feet.
Not everything is a realisation
sometimes it\u2019s siting on your couch,
back-dreaming on the days you were happy,
you were happy with the people you love
And being grateful that you got to live those.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today might be hard
but you also got some easy ones
You might be waist-down in water
but eyes can see sky
and mouth can still breathe
It\u2019s still fucking amazing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have, certainly, fallen for me
in a different way than I ever imagined.
On the days, when I couldn\u2019t get up
on the days, I told myself to take it easy
when I was soft with me
when I controlled my anxiety.
Another goal reached without knowing
Afterwards,
being so unbelievably unstoppable
that balanced out my globe of tasks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learning is such a devil
And I love it.
Every year, there is a different
element of learning.
You gotta learn how to take care of a rose
to keep your pockets warm
You gotta learn which acid not to intake to prevent yourself from killing<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I feel better than I was in my twenties
not that I resent my errs
But that girl was learning too.
And today\u2019s girl is much more (also learning)
a more spiky, armoury reflection of her mother
a gullible, a clever teacup of sweetness
standing at the crossroad of youth and experience
She\u2019s a Sugar mommy \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00a9kanikachugh <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I never expected to have grays at thirty-four,some answers though.Never expected the flush of emotions towering after I hit thirtya bit of fire to die out though.I wonder which ancestry had beenso violent in wantsthat I inherited their fire withoutproperly knowing their soul, their childhood.A brute forcesome forces that I don\u2019t wish to pursue.It doesn\u2019t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":[]},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p95Fdd-Ya","jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3730"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3730"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3730\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3730"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3730"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3730"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}