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{"id":3684,"date":"2023-03-07T19:24:25","date_gmt":"2023-03-07T13:54:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/sometimes-i-fear-my-fearlessness\/"},"modified":"2023-03-07T19:36:11","modified_gmt":"2023-03-07T14:06:11","slug":"sometimes-i-fear-my-fearlessness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/sometimes-i-fear-my-fearlessness\/","title":{"rendered":"Sometimes, I fear my fearlessness"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure data-carousel-extra='{\"blog_id\":1,\"permalink\":\"https:\\\/\\\/kanikachughs.com\\\/sometimes-i-fear-my-fearlessness\\\/\"}'  class=\"is-layout-flex wp-block-gallery-1 wp-block-gallery aligncenter columns-1 is-cropped\"><ul class=\"blocks-gallery-grid\"><li class=\"blocks-gallery-item\"><figure><img data-attachment-id=\"3683\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/sometimes-i-fear-my-fearlessness\/photo-output-2\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photo-output.jpg?fit=2048%2C2048&amp;ssl=1\" data-orig-size=\"2048,2048\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"photo-output\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-medium-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photo-output.jpg?fit=300%2C300&amp;ssl=1\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photo-output.jpg?fit=697%2C697&amp;ssl=1\" decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"697\" height=\"697\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photo-output.jpg?resize=697%2C697&#038;ssl=1\" data-id=\"3683\" class=\"wp-image-3683\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photo-output.jpg?resize=1024%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photo-output.jpg?resize=300%2C300&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photo-output.jpg?resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photo-output.jpg?resize=768%2C768&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photo-output.jpg?resize=1536%2C1536&amp;ssl=1 1536w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photo-output.jpg?w=2048&amp;ssl=1 2048w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photo-output.jpg?w=1394&amp;ssl=1 1394w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 697px) 100vw, 697px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><figcaption class=\"blocks-gallery-item wp-element-caption\">P.C &#8211; Pinterest <\/figcaption><\/figure><\/li><\/ul><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Sometimes it\u2019s too much to bear. This anxiety. What does it trying to tell me?? I pledged to myself that I won\u2019t run away from my emotions but lately this promise had been really hard to keep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And what happens when I face them\u2014 this weird sensation in my stomach, this uneasiness doesn\u2019t tell me if something good is going to happen or bad?? I\u2019m unsure. For me, it hadn\u2019t been a red alert for only adversities but had encompassed its root for good things too that is bound to come my way\u2014 ruining it before it could start.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And I spent hours and hours and more hours deciphering what it\u2019s trying to tell me. Somewhere, over the other side of bridge there is someone waiting but I know I would never cross it because I am pretty sure I will drown in the middle. First steps aren\u2019t the problem for me but tangibility of bridges have always been unreliable for the giver. And I fall, I drown, I gasp, I cry no one comes for help. Not even the soul I saw on the other side \u2014 who, in all consciousness, still trying to make sense if I am worth saving.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It scares me. It will happen all over again. It scares me that I am going to try jump across without any fear though I am terribly scared of water (but in reality probably of staying unloved and unwanted pretending to be seasons\u2014unbothered by anyone). I will make tresses of my hair to overcome the distance if need be knowing its going peak out the pain in my roots. But it petrifies me. This vicious cycle of mine, the result of which I never learn, the result which is non-existent. You can\u2019t tame a wild heart, can you? maybe console for a bit while but it\u2019s going to run on its horses again the moment you let it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Living holding the things in cage isn\u2019t living either. So what do you do? You let your heart run wild. With zero directions, no navigational skills and stupid bravery. And I will let it too. I fear it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong><em>Sometimes, I fear my fearlessness.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u00a9\ufe0fkanikachugh<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sometimes it\u2019s too much to bear. This anxiety. What does it trying to tell me?? I pledged to myself that I won\u2019t run away from my emotions but lately this promise had been really hard to keep. And what happens when I face them\u2014 this weird sensation in my stomach, this uneasiness doesn\u2019t tell me [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":[]},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p95Fdd-Xq","jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3684"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3684"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3684\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3685,"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3684\/revisions\/3685"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3684"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3684"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3684"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}