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headers already sent by (output started at /customers/0/5/7/kanikachughs.com/httpd.www/wp-includes/Requests/Cookie/Jar.php:15) in /customers/0/5/7/kanikachughs.com/httpd.www/wp-includes/rest-api/class-wp-rest-server.php on line 1758 {"id":3181,"date":"2020-10-15T17:41:57","date_gmt":"2020-10-15T12:11:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/i-feel-im-stuck-in-memories-of-ours\/"},"modified":"2020-10-15T17:41:57","modified_gmt":"2020-10-15T12:11:57","slug":"i-feel-im-stuck-in-memories-of-ours","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/i-feel-im-stuck-in-memories-of-ours\/","title":{"rendered":"I feel I’m stuck in memories of ours"},"content":{"rendered":"

I hold onto to our memories
\nlike an infant grabbing a piece
\nof clothing,wrapping it in his
\ntiny fingers,naively managing a little more
\nattention towards himself
\nand in an unvoiced gesture of
\ndo not leave me alone,yet!<\/p>\n

I walk down those streets
\nwith my right-hand empty
\nstill dangling, still thirsty for your touch.
\nThat in sometime soon,
\nthose fingertips will feel the heat
\nof your hands brushing against mine.
\nThat in any given moment
\nI\u2019d see you standing alongside me
\nwhile I stop by our favorite ice-cream parlor.
\nAnd I would be suppressing the
\nsparks of surprise and laughter
\nand declare through my eyes confidently
\nthe words I had practiced long enough
\n\u201cI knew you\u2019d come back\u201d
\nprecariously hiding the fright
\nof \u2018what if\u2019 you hadn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

I look at our old pictures
\nlike they would suck me
\nin and allow me the pleasure
\nof reliving the moments
\nagain and not once complaint or feel shy
\nlike living beings say
\n‘for how long you’d keep looking at me?’<\/p>\n

I feel I am stuck in memories of ours
\nThere is no past or the future
\nbut a series of moments halted
\nAnd time has stopped making sense.
\nI feel those moments burning alive
\nright in my chest
\nas if it’s happening right now.
\nI’m afraid of moving on
\nbecause those would try to give me
\nthe wisdom of why letting of the
\npast is important.
\nI’m in no search of that wisdom,
\nthat I want to stay stagnant
\nfor some time.
\nLike water that doesn’t move.
\ngetting stale and foul
\nfrom standing too long
\nAnd it doesn’t, on its own.
\nLacking the development
\nor the essential minerals.
\nI, too, am adamant to move
\nas of now
\ndoesn\u2019t matter how much it is
\ncorroding my brain.<\/p>\n

I want to stay trapped
\nSo I can face my bold decision
\nrelentless times,
\nof choosing you over the world.
\nI want to stay there long enough
\nSo that when I step out of it
\nI no longer awash with those memories
\nthat made me fall for you.
\nSo when I step out of it
\nthere is no ‘You’ in me anymore,
\nAnd when I walk onto those streets again
\nI don’t imagine how would it feel
\nto be walking alongside you.
\nThat I will make sure the
\nperson I am talking to
\nis I, myself
\n& not you anymore.<\/p>\n

Whenever I am absorbed
\nin love, in joy, in pain, in misery
\nI have been the one to
\nmeasure the abyss of each emotion.
\nThat those depths
\nhad always appreciated me
\nfor accepting them throughout the end.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I hold onto to our memories like an infant grabbing a piece of clothing,wrapping it in his tiny fingers,naively managing a little more attention towards himself and in an unvoiced gesture of do not leave me alone,yet! I walk down those streets with my right-hand empty still dangling, still thirsty for your touch. That in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":[]},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p95Fdd-Pj","jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3181"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3181"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3181\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3181"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3181"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kanikachughs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3181"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}