Stillness

My breath seems like
coming to a stand-still
while it is stitching hatred
to my worn-out lungs.
In some mysterious ways
asking to stop sucking in air,
while I still pursue to live.

My grit decomposing and
breaking-up into tiny pieces of
horrendous curses I want to
cast upon people,
reeking of self-doubt
and deteriorating courage;
determined to cut my own wings
while I sew them back
with a needle of my diminished valor.

The claws of spiteful death
contracting over my burdened shoulders
and trying to separate
my already-extinguished soul
from my dispassionate body
while I try to set poor memories on fire
to stay warm and in this world.

The dust around my hands
reminding me of endless tortures
for stretching too far
for the undeserving ones
that each cell, each tissue,
the fiber, the skin
burnt in agony and finally turning into ashes
while I still touch memoirs of recollecting past
to feel those hands.

With Life turning my divine light
into pitch dark clouds
raining melancholy and doomed fate
while I am still trying to find my shining star
to create rainbows of faith and
thrive alongside Nature.

In the stillness of my calm, continuous efforts
I fought something I never knew
existed.
A monster devouring my senses, crushing the freshness of Life and
royally residing inside my head.

I grew a new seed of belief and hope.
Everyday!
The belief of being bigger than this monster,
The seed filling the vastness of the void
with each blooming leaves and flowers
to water my own growth.

It took me long enough
to light the lamps of confidence
and taking back the reins in my hands
instead of being controlled and
that is how I empowered myself.

My intellectual teachers

On the occasion of Teacher’s Day,

while I was thinking about the people who had been great teachers in my life I was also pondering upon the emotions that have taught me life too.Sharing few of many emotions revolving and reshaping our lives, providing necessary lessons to overcome the hurdles and making the best out of it.

My Intellectual Teachers:

Fear:

The fear of losing someone, the fear of speaking up, the fear of being yourself, the fear of lurking demons in our minds, all kinds of fears demonstrated the number of deaths I have had before I could ever live. My strength, my power were always hidden beneath its layers which I was afraid to touch.
It taught me what courage is.

Anger:

This self-destructive path is the turbo-speed energy-sucking demon, ideal for inducing pain turning you into a constant rage piercing your own core. The perfect enemy to make you lose in front of your rivals. The reminder that makes you forget about the gift of life and the gratitude towards it.
It taught me to win after letting it go.

Impatience:

As rightly said, “Impatience can cause wise people to do foolish things”. Hard work is wasted when done with the greed of having underdeveloped, tender fruit. Magnificent to tiny, all things take time.
It taught me through nature’s way. One always grows, not all at the same time but they do taking their own sweet time.

Loneliness:

The feeling of rejection, the feeling of being an outcast, the eternal quest of being with someone or anyone all the time. Loneliness makes you feel the poorest even after the countless riches you possess.
It taught me the worth of everyone. Above all, I found myself the best companion to ever have.

Melancholy:

The sadness crowning you for prolonged hours for no reason at all. Past memories of heartache, broken dreams, misfortunes pushing you towards the edge of depression can easily take away the pleasures of today.
It taught me the happy times I took for granted and must work towards making more.

Disgust:

Usually succeeded after anger. Everything seems disgusted after you have been wronged by someone. The nauseous feeling in the pit boils your blood and changes your personality entirely.
It taught me to understand that some people are the way they are. Nothing right or wrong about them. Accept it and let yourself free.

Suffering:

It’s like the glass of calmness you try to fill each time but is still empty because your heart is constantly suffering. Sometimes it is necessary to appreciate what we have and acknowledge the agony to become a better version of ourself.
It taught me not to be in denial and let the wounds heal no matter how long it takes.

Heartbreak:

Each of the previous emotion is either preceded or succeeded by the heartbreak. It teaches about the emotions you never thought you had and yet you are always strong enough to grow using it as a seed. Heartbreaks has their way of teaching the lessons, keeping us humble and appreciating the beautiful life offered to us.

Do share your emotions and how it turned out for you.

Dear Life

How much ever I wanted to control you, you slipped right through my fingers feeling everything as a confounded lie. Why didn’t you tell me before you weren’t supposed to be controlled rather supposed to be accepted & lived. Turn around time if you can. I want to do good to some people again.

Word of the Day

While scanning my phone nonchalantly, something caught my attention instantly.

It was word of the day.

busticate- to break into pieces.

Nothing special, the usual notification from another app.

But something in me stirred. I read word by word, slowly. Each syllable felt like it was calling out to something I don’t understand yet feel it.

To. Break. Into. Pieces.

I looked further for a sentence. I never myself knew how to use it properly.

It said “Elephants really busticate trees”.

And I said “Humans really busticate humans”.

What a perfect word to produce to save time of people when they want to say that they are broken into pieces. Or may be people who are broken end up finding unfamiliar inclination towards the phrase ‘broken into pieces’, with the outburst of indignation due to helplessness over the situation.

They are broken. Into pieces. And yet they have the confidence to rise again, love again, and be themselves again. Those are my favorite kind of people.

There was nothing special in the word I read today, however, it felt obligatory to pay respect to all those who went through it, suffered hard, and rose shining brighter than ever before.

Love you all.

And love yourself.

I don’t know if it’s correct or not still-
Don’t busticate because of anyone. You deserve much more.

Beauty Inside Out

Brushes of Golden spark,
Igniting enigmatic eyes….
Bringing out the beauty inside out.

Often they say “you’re beautiful”,
Seldom they mean…
Invariably unfailingly they match beauty inside and out.

Capricious souls, always on lookout
Claiming to love roses with thorns…
Petrified with inside beauty if blown out.

Malignant steps attempting to curb the blaze
Demanding normality…
For they dread the glowing light shining out

It’s time to oppose the crowd
Leaving those hollow soothings unanswered…
Use that helpless wonder for the fears to break out.

As the sun sets to rest
Glorious reality checking in…
Take that burning desire to shine from inside and out.

Happy Women’s Day

One more time
I drowned in emotions
One more time they were
Deeper than the grieving oceans
Knees on ground
Head bowed down
A hard slap on my earnest devotion
Miracle struck
In the midst of treacheries
A firm grip tore down my story’s convolutions
Was it a man?
Was it an angel?
That strong zeal could lead the mountains in motion
Well, it was a ‘she’
A fearless warrior,
a fire worth creating & destroying a life
Carrying enormous amount of love potion…

……..

Happy women’s day to all the lovely ladies and to all the Men loving supporting and respecting her. Love to all