I still want you!

Would you hold me while I fall off the ladder of my own expectations? Would you blow air on my hot tea so I don’t burn my traitor tongue that forgot every other taste after yours? Would you laugh on my lame jokes sitting at the threshold of satires? Would you listen to one more poem of mine where I hide the shame of losing you but highlight creative words for my monochromatic feelings? Would you, one more time?

I know you have a better place to go and I won’t dare stop you but how do I say, that I am afraid. That, I still want you.

Would you say one more time that my anxieties make sense and I don’t have to sacrifice myself on dark wheels each evening when I sit down to count my burdens? Would you remind me of how strong I am when my knees embrace the ground, tears kiss the stones around and my fingers fiddle over a plucked, lonely flower meant for the hands of strangers? Would you remember me after you would hold hands with a stranger? I might stop then but for now I still want you.

Watching you go from a distance looks like someone told me a way to a buried treasure and made me swore not to ever be in a position of wanting it. It’s like I am free to find the fortune but can never have it because of the strong integrity I hold within myself.

I still see you from afar, meadows swaying along the breeze and a part of my soul walking away. An indescribable pain surfaces when the attached strings between us are pulled out one by one with your each step ahead. Far from my reach where I can only extend my hand and my feet frozen in an ice rink of an unsaid promise. A promise you took for me to be happy with or without you.

Would you please not say that I can be as unwavering as before without you? Would you please not say that I can climb the highest of mountains without you when I know you are my only purple, soft mattress I rest in to energize? You said we might be better off each other but,

But I still want you!

Picture credits: Kim Taehyung (filmed with Samsung’s cell phone (chame model)) 蘿

Inspired by BTS Song : The Truth Untold

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